LONDON TO COVENTRY

 it was a sultry early august morning. london was a humid mix of fumes and sunshine as i grabbed my bags and stepped off the number 666 on its way to the den of inhumanity, known to mere mortals as kings' cross. i turned my back on pentonville prison and trudged the short distance to the rock n roll outpost called snowballs, where i was met by the crew, a bunch of villians assembled in the name of odin to provide for his shock troops, ash. 

 

commander hewitt was rolling one up as i arrived. 'a bit early for festivities, isn't it?' i quipped. 

 

'stop dicking around and get on the bus,' he answered pithily.

 

opening the door of our chariot i was met with the king of camenbert, the cheif of cheese, huhn tagkh. you guys can call him lance. if you use his spirit name you are dicing with death. don't worry, i have certain, er, privileges in these matters.

 

'damn i feel like a couple o' slabs of beef to soak up this cask of ale,' he pointed at a wooden pails sloshing suds over my shoes. 

 

'you're on, you burger eating invasion monkey. let's get this shit on the road,' i replied drily.

 

'we need to destroy the evidence of our departure. you know the rules, mcmurder,' a voice boomed from the top deck of hell. 

 

who's on weapons this weekend? i wondered. that voice it can only be the man/myth known to us only by his code name: flea. 

 

'still got the KGB on you tail mate?' i shook his massive hand, which had undoubtedly dispatched a few this morning already.

 

'never mention that again,' was his only reply. its hard to tell if he's joking about it.

 

enter tom, the visual operator. 'let's give 'em a little light show to remember us by, shall we?' he proceeded to pour an innocuous looking white powder into an empty beer bottle, then slung it out of the sky light.

 

'floor it, balkan!' he yelled and the squeal of the tires was deafening, as the orange glow of the incendiary erupted through the curtains.

 

'that'll keep 'em guessing for a while,' laughed our demon speeding getaway gimp, the aforementioned balkan.

 

Added on 04/08/2008 by Rick